Don’t go alone Part one

I was walking through town when I saw a building. It was boarded up and broken.  People say it was home to a mad man, but I didn’t believe it. I wish I did after what happened….

I got my phone and went to the building.  When I got closer, it smelled bad like the smell of rotting meat the old owners left by accident.

Then I heard footsteps and my heart stopped as no one lived there. Suddenly the police came and took me to custody like I was some criminal.  Later you will find out why.

 

4 thoughts on “Don’t go alone Part one”

  1. Hello Oscar,

    A continuing story…? You built up tension as you described what happened leading up to you being taken into custody then leave us wanting to know more. This is a good technique when a writer wants readers to return to read a continuing story’s next part. Well done.

    Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
    Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia

  2. I like the way you have divided your story up, Oscar and the way you warn your reader at the beginning that something bad is going to happen by saying ‘I wish I did after what happened….’. I like your description of the smell in the building. It is very believable, if rather unpleasant! I also like the way you talk about your heart stopping, because you are so scared. Then you leave us in suspense!

  3. Oooh, now I’m wondering why the police took you away? It sounded like they might have thought you were trespassing on private land? Mind you, the smell of rotting meat sounds very suspicious, as well as very disgusting!

    Keep up the good work as I’m hoping to find out why next time….

    Michelle, Team 100wc,
    Melbourne, Australia

  4. Hello Oscar,

    Using the prompt for the week as a presumption in the story, shows character. Its proof of creative talent. Build-up to the climax too is laudable. Hoping to find creative snippets as you build on your story, this being part 1.

    Keep up the good work, Oscar.

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