The Castle

One day I woke up in a castle and I heard people  reload a cannon.  I was shaking.  I tried and tried to get to sleep again, but I  couldn’t get to sleep and i just screamed like hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhelp.  They didn’t hear I yield helllllllllllllllllppppppp.  I got out of this room and  I saw them and I went up to them and I said I come in peace.  They helped me get out and they told the guard, but he was in a fight.  He gave me a shield and then he got them and let me go.  

3 thoughts on “The Castle”

  1. Thanks for sharing your this week Will. I can tell you’re developing your writing skills and the personal voice you’ve used when crying for help is great, but I wonder if you could bring your work to life a little for your reader by using a little more descriptive language. Perhaps your first sentence could be like this …
    One day I was suddenly woken from my shivering sleep in a castle and heard the terrifying sound of people reloading a cannon.
    Do you see the difference it makes in setting the scene? Perhaps you could try this idea in your next piece.
    Jackie (Team 100WC)
    New Zealand

  2. Oops. I didn’t complete my own first sentence correctly! It was supposed to be…
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the prompt this week Will.

  3. What a scary experience that must have been, Will! You describe it very clearly. No wonder you were scared! I like the way you have made the word ‘help’ really long to show how you were shouting it. It is very effective. I’m so glad you were able to get out in the end!

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