The forbidden alley way

Once a boy called Ron was walking along a rocky and silent path. Ron realised that there was no one outside and his home was hours away. He knew there was a shortcut through an alley way. When Ron looked at the alley way, it made a shiver run down his spine but as he walked through, there were squeaky mouse noises so he just ran out. Outside, he saw a gate. Suddenly, there was a noise. He turned around and saw a knife on the floor. Ron ran back home as fast as he could and when he did he promised to himself to never go near that alley again…

2 thoughts on “The forbidden alley way”

  1. Casper,
    I was relieved that Ron made a promise to himself about not using the alley again. That seems like an important lesson learned. Your use of certain images and sounds helped set the creepy tone of fear and desperation. While Ron has the shiver run down his spine, so does the reader.
    Keep writing.
    Mrs. G., Team 100, Guilderland, NY, USA

  2. Greetings from Australia Casper. Congratulations on your response this week’s challenge. I like the way you tried to use different sentence beginnings. Have you tried starting your text with a verb? Eg Walking along a rocky and silent path, Ron realised that there was no one outside and his home was hours away. It’s a great way to hook your readers in. I enjoyed reading your text.🙏😊🌻

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